that rosebud girl

*sigh*

i’m reading el jacuzzi’s blog and an overwhelming thought hits me:

i’m so friggin’ jealous.

i want to sit around and play texas hold ‘em every weekend. i want to go to vegas. i want to hang around him just because i know something crazy will happen. i want to hang out and take trips with the Tailgate Krew.

mostly, though, i do miss california.

i never thought i’d say it in a million years. honestly.

but i do miss it. i miss it every so often.

i miss watching my alma mater play in person.

i miss crazy tailgates and impromptu football games and watching cook knocking edgar into the ground.

i miss playing pool at yankee doodles and hustling everyone.

i miss the jokes, the fun times, the wicked amounts of beer that always seem to be around when the Tailgate Krew is involved.

i miss singing with mark and hanging out in pasadena with maureen.

i miss in-n-out burgers and carl’s jr. and jamba juice.

i miss roscoe’s and norm’s and other assorted late-night eats.

i miss the spontaneity, the possibility that a trip or a party or an outing could happen at any moment.

wow.

i had quite a life in the city of angels. i never realized it then. all i wanted to do was leave. and i didn’t want to go back.

i made myself a nice life in delaware. and i would miss that too if i left. and i would miss all the people and all the things i built here. i will always be proud of the tiny state that i called home these past few years.

but now i am nostalgic.

there is the possibility i’ll be able to visit this april and definitely in july, but maybe i need something more. i don’t know.

sometimes all you need is time to realize how much you miss something.

and maybe someday, i will get to return. i don’t know. that is out of my hands for the moment.

we’ll see.

and now, back to waiting….

waiting for …

godot…..

well, okay, not really, but i had to finish that sentence somehow.

but i am in a waiting period. and waiting always kills me. a lot of times i’ll keep myself busy and a day will go by but then i’m back where i was….waiting.

time always goes by way more slowly when you’re waiting for something.

i can’t say what i’m waiting for….i don’t want to jinx it….or maybe i don’t want it to be at the forefront all the time….but it could change my life. it will change my life.

meanwhile, i will sit here and wait.

the other hangup about waiting is that it skews just about everything else. everything in your life hinges on this and you can’t do anything until you are done waiting. and limbo is just as bad as waiting.

haven’t i been here before? strange….

florida, again.

just got back from another trip to florida…..

didn’t see rizza, but let’s sum it up this way:

- i got an autographed shirt…billy wagner signed it…..awwyeah…..it’s going to be framed in my room.

- i met a former major-leaguer. okay, more accurately, i shook hands with him.

- it rained a lot, but i still got to hang out plenty with ed.

- i had good hawaiian bbq….again….mmmm….

otherwise, it was a nice vacation. unfortunately, it’s back to work. and i have tons of crap to do….